“Do you love me????” he asked impatiently.

“Yes,” wrote Nina, as if whispering that word.

“Tell me that you love me!”

“I love you,” she wrote. It seemed to her that those letters were on fire. They were burning her, flaming on the laptop screen.

“I love you very much!” Ismael wrote in response, “and I will love you until the last day of my life!”

In reality, after this kind of confession, people would hug and kiss. However, there were only words written on the screen…

Nina felt dizzy, everything was floating before her eyes and it was impossible toВ breathe. She was shaking. It was even more intense and brighter than the real confession ofВ her first true love.



She didn’t sleep that night. She had been chatting with the boy the whole night through. Then he called her and she took the laptop to the kitchen and spoke to him, until her alarm clock went off, marking the time to get up.

During their conversation, Nina heard noises inВ his house and outside his window inВ Egypt, such as aВ baby crying, birds singing, dogs barking.

It was so weird, as if there weren’t thousands of miles separating them. It was spring, mid-May. It seemed to her as if they were sitting side by side, embracing each other and greeting the dawn…

After that the intoxication ofВ love began. They spoke every night and sent each other romantic pictures and music: Arabic, Russian and Western love songs. They taught each other their native languages, he taught her Arab and she Russian toВ him.

They learned to pronounce the words of love in each other’s native languages.

He wrote her every day, over and over again, that he loved and missed her, that they love each other and should be together. He promised to come to Moscow to meet her…



He then began to ask her about her husband. When they were finishing their chats at nights, he would say to her how jealous he was when she went to bed with him. Nina told him that when she was sleeping with her husband, she imagined her beloved boy in his place…

One day, Nina complained that her husband was drunk and tortured her with his demands.

“I will come and kill him!” he wrote quickly, and Nina felt frantic energy of jealousy and anger that came through the laptop screen and thought: “This Arab boy, like a little beast, will show his teeth!” Yet at the same time, she liked his fervour.



Nina often wondered why that boy loved her, an adult woman who is old enough to be his mother? She read a lot of psychological articles on the subject, which stated that that kind of attraction to adult women existed mostly in two cases: either the boy had a difficult relationship with his mother, or a very low self-esteem. That was odd… However, he never said anything about his parents, about his mother. Nina asked him to send a photo of his parents once, but he simply ignored that request.

Why did she, Nina, fall inВ love with that boy? After all, she had aВ husband and sex and male attention.

Was it a maternal feeling? No, Nina knew that she didn’t perceive him as a son. She looks at him as at a very romantic young man… That was it! She was lacking that romance in her life! She wanted all the beautiful words, poems, colours, the sensation of the flight! What she doesn’t have with her husband. And had never had…

And yet, even if everything can be explained from aВ psychological point ofВ view, one thing still remained aВ mystery: whyВ him?

Nina had over a thousand friends on Facebook, both young and of a more mature age. Moreover, almost all of them started chats with her. However, as a rule, after the initial several phrases Nina didn’t support further communication with anyone.

She was just not interested. Nina believed that the boy was sent toВ her from Heaven. However, the reason was yet unknown.

At the moment, they have been simply enjoying each other and couldn’t break away from each other. It was the best period of their relationship, it was absolute happiness!



However, his constant presence in Nina’s life soon became a great inconvenience for her.

Firstly, she wanted to be alone sometimes, just listen to music, read the news online, chat with friends, and secondly, her husband was completely abandoned, she almost didn’t talk to him at all. If they did talk, it was only something about everyday things, and Nina was thinking about the boy at the same time.

The boy caught her online as soon as she came on. Nina soon realized that this couldn’t go on anymore. She told him that they needed to cut down on their communication, due to how her constant presence on the Internet aggravated her relationship with her husband.

All in all, they can’t be together because of a significant age gap, so it’s better not to get used to each other.

He was surprised and offended. It was the first stumbling stone between them, which triggered an avalanche ofВ rapid deterioration ofВ their relationship.

Cloudless happiness, openness and sincerity ended forever. Their paradise ofВ love collapsed. What started was aВ period ofВ alienation, pain, insults and then forgiveness, rapprochement and aВ short happiness ofВ love, yet now with aВ touch ofВ resentment and tears. It went on and on inВ aВ new round ofВ tormenting each other.

They both were inВ constant tension. However, without this voltage, all ofВ that would have probably stopped long ago, being boring and monotonous. The tension arose from the detachment and subsequent rapprochement. It was aВ long cycle ofВ alienation and aВ short one ofВ happiness ofВ being together again.

Then the cycle repeated itself. It was only that the detachment was growing longer with each cycle, and happiness would shorten…

What was that detachment, and why did it occur?




Boris


Nina had a long-time friend Boris, her former colleague. They’d met fifteen years ago at the school where he worked as a teacher of the Russian language, and Nina then organized children’s holidays. Their paths have been different since those times.

Nina started working inВ aВ different field, and Boris stayed. However, despite this, they kept inВ touch inВ social networks and their communication has recently become more active because ofВ the theme ofВ detachment, which worried them both.

Boris had been long married and had aВ teenage daughter. Nina was familiar with his wife and believed their alliance toВ be very strong. Yet recently, she was surprised toВ find out that he had divorced.

Nina wanted to express sympathy, but Boris told her that he was happy and had found new love. He gave Nina a hint that she’ll be among one of the first to be invited to his wedding. So little by little, they started talking and their chats became more frequent and trustful.

Boris was a very interesting and enthusiastic person. He enjoyed “living history” and was a member of a historical reconstruction club, which focused on the Medieval Russia of X – XIII centuries. The members of this club reconstructed the lifestyle, art, and craft of Medieval Russia.

They were crafting leather, fabric, making authentic costumes and decorations, and utensils, weapons, musical instruments. They were learning ancient languages, sang hymns and epics.

They went toВ different places and festivals, where members ofВ similar clubs from other cities and even other countries gathered. They lived inВ tents there, cooked over aВ fire, danced and sang.

InВ this club, Boris met his new love, Nadia. She was an accountant, and used toВ sing old songs inВ aВ vocal ensemble inВ the club. She was forty years old; she was the same age as Boris.

Nevertheless, if Boris had already been experienced inВ family life, Nadia had never been married. She had plenty ofВ unsuccessful love affairs inВ her life, as well as no children. AВ spark ran between Nadia and Boris immediately, and they fell inВ love with each other.

They started dating, spent time together in the club and outside of it, and couldn’t live without each other. Boris was in seventh heaven, it seemed to him that he had found his destiny and he soon proposed to Nadia.

However, Nadia rejected his proposal and suddenly distanced herself from him. She didn’t explain anything, just stopped talking to him, didn’t respond to his messages and calls. If they had been inseparable before, they now went home separately, not even looking at each other.

Boris didn’t know what to think. He couldn’t talk to Nadia, since she avoided him and didn’t even let him near. Darkness came into his life, as if black clouds had covered the sun forever.

AВ week had passed, another one, and Nadia suddenly smiled at him when they met and was the first toВ speak toВ him. Then it went on as if there had not been such alienation. She was, just as before, laughing at his jokes, taking his hand, and they were walking home together after the rehearsal at the club.

Boris decided not toВ try talking about it again, he was too afraid toВ frighten off this state ofВ happiness, as aВ patient, who just got rid ofВ his sharp pain, tries not toВ make any sudden moves and walks with caution, fearing that the pain may return again.

They soon went with the club toВ aВ festival ofВ martial arts. There Nadia was inseparable with Boris, looked after him and literally fed him with her hands. Boris was happy. InВ that manner, two months ofВ non-stop communication had passed.

In the days when they didn’t see each other, they were like teenagers, constantly exchanging messages. Nadia was indeed like a little girl, and Boris protected her and took care of her.

She could call him late in the evening and say: “Tell me a story!” And he wrote her fairy tales until she fell asleep…

However, that happiness didn’t last long. For no reason, Nadia distanced herself once more from him. And the avoidance and his despair began again.

Therefore, two years passed with periods ofВ flaming passion and then ofВ chilling cold.

Nadia used to distance herself about once in two or three months, suddenly ceasing to speak, write, call, and pushed Boris away. He used to wonder, why? Even she couldn’t explain her behaviour at that time.

“I don’t know,” she said. Boris reacted in different ways, depending on how she did it. He either tried to be near, or kept his distance and endured.

“I know now,” he told Nina, “that, in the end, it will be over… But I’m bloody afraid that one day she may never come back…”

“Have you asked her how she feels in such moments?” asked Nina. She was worried about this topic because, she too, had a similar experience with the boy and wanted to know at least something about it, even though another person’s experience.

“Nadia feels deep loneliness,” replied Boris, “and I become a stranger to her. It’s painful for her. She suffers and cries into the pillow at night…”

“What do you think, why is she doing this?” Nina asked.

“Try to understand, people used to hurt her a lot…” began Boris, “this is understandable, she’s scared, she’s scared that I’ll leave her. Besides, she was used to living alone…”

“It’s clear that nothing is clear,” thought Nina.

“But I don’t lose hope… After all, she’s my hope!” he finished.




The Hell ofВ love


“No, my boy has something else,” thought Nina. “Some inner pain gnaws at him and he splashes it out on me, hurting me”.

Nina didn’t understand what was wrong with her boy, what was going on in his life. Why was he experiencing such pain, that to reduce it, he had to hurt others?

He cruelly insulted her aВ few times. Once, during one ofВ the next intimacy and happiness periods, when they were caressing each other with words ofВ love and when their conversation took an erotic turn, the boy asked Nina toВ send him photos ofВ her naked breasts.

Nina was furious and exploded with anger. However, he was asking for it, like aВ man, dying ofВ thirst inВ the desert, asks for aВ sip ofВ water, and Nina gaveВ up.

She took aВ picture inВ front ofВ the mirror, covering herself with aВ flowing sheer fabric and revealing aВ part ofВ her breast. He liked the photo; he complimented her and calmed down for some time.

But then he started asking and then demanding more and more ofВ them. Nina had toВ uncover larger areas ofВ her body. However, he had never sent his intimate photos. Nina decided toВ end that injustice. She told him that either she would stop sending him photos, or he had toВ send his inВ return.

He protested, saying that he couldn’t take that kind of pictures because his parents could enter the room at any moment. Then Nina refused to send her photos and ceased to answer his calls and messages.

After aВ pause, that took aВ couple ofВ days, she entered the chat and found aВ very offensive message from him. He called her an old whore and wrote many other offensive words. Nina thought she was blind when she read the message.

A black dagger of betrayal pierced her back, and the earth opened up under her feet, as she fell into the abyss. She felt like a candle burning under an open sky and an evil wind had put it’s flames out, so that there was only darkness.

It felt like death… If even such a close and beloved man could betray, who and what could she believe? What could she rely on? She wanted to write him something in response, not knowing what to say yet, but was unable to open the page. He had blocked her!

It was another knife in her back. She had read or heard somewhere about how eastern men could betray, that it was okay to give a rose with one hand and keep a dagger in the other one behind the back. However, Nina couldn’t associate that with him, her little boy, her little birdy, as she liked to gently call him…

When the initial shock had passed, Nina began to wonder what made him do that to her. Oddly enough, the word “old” hurt her the most, since she knew that it was true. Indeed, she was a mature woman to him.

Although inВ her nude photos she could give odds toВ many young girls, her body was gorgeous and was glowing with mature beauty. However, the abyss ofВ time, which divided them, was still present.

Nevertheless, why did he never show her his body? Due to his virginity and modesty? He wasn’t shy, however, and his sexual fantasies could have easily been a part of any contemporary erotic novel.

Sometimes Nina was surprised, how she as a grown woman and not a nun, indeed, didn’t know the many things that her boy told her. Of course, this awareness was due to the Internet and porn sites, which become part of modern boys’ life pretty early…

Trying toВ unravel the cause ofВ such aggressive behaviour, Nina started toВ look through all his pictures that she had. She noticed that inВ all the photos (and basically they were all selfies), there was only his face or he was captured from the waist up.There were no full-sized photos or photos with his legs. Why? After all, if he loved football and played it with his friends, as he claimed, it would be logical toВ see him inВ photos inВ sports gear, cleats and ball. All the boys, who play football, have such pictures.

“What if he’s disabled or has a problem with legs?!” a horrifying thought came across Nina’s mind. “And football is just his fantasy, the impossible dream…”

That would explain a lot: this pain in his eyes and that inexplicable anger, because he didn’t want to show her his body, and she kept putting pressure on him…

Nina then looked at their relationship from a different angle… Truly, she had never seen him. She only had photos and had heard his voice. He never asked her to chat via Skype or video. However, Nina herself didn’t want to.

She believed that the camera, firstly, distorted the image, and secondly, emphasized all the imperfections and wrinkles. She could see it clearly when skyping with her daughter. But if he had some physical imperfection, would she love him as before, is she knew aboutВ it?

Nina imagined different scenarios and thought about how she would react. Would she want to continue their relationship if it was true. Her heart ached with pity for him, but the offense was stronger. Nina decided that no matter what he had no right to insult her, and he couldn’t be forgiven.

Meanwhile, the time went on and she still couldn’t access his profile. The second week of their alienation came to an end… Nina was going crazy from longing and uncertainty. She knew that she just longs for communication that she was used to.

Nevertheless, she had almost forgiven him. His painful words had almost erased from her memory, especially since she immediately deleted the offensive message and had never had the opportunity toВ read it again.

Nina had nothing that she could do, she didn’t know how to get in touch with him, and his Facebook profile was closed to her. However, at the same time it had positive aspects, because it didn’t let her do anything stupid in the moments of severe depression.

AВ few more days passed byВ and suddenly an anticipated message from Ismael came toВ her account. It sounded just like before, as if there had been no insults, blocking or silence.

“Hey, how are you?” he wrote, “My account wasn’t working and I couldn’t text you. I’ve finally fixed it now.” And no regret for the insulting words.

It was strange for Nina to read that… How could he speak just like before, when she went through so much pain and such a betrayal? When her stable world had fallen into pieces?

She asked him: “Why did you write such words to me?”

“Don’t bear that in mind!” was all that he answered.

Nina tried to explain him her offense and said that she could only forgive him once, and if he would offend her again, she would break all connections with him. However, his only answer was: “Don’t worry!”

And somehow, unexpectedly for Nina, everything went back to normal. He was gentle again and spoke of love. Nina remained silent, yet her heart started melting away, after all, she loved him, and blamed his age for his offensive message, as he was still a child and had no experience with women. And the thought of his possible disability was tearing her apart…

They were back again inВ the happy times ofВ love, but this case became aВ precedent ofВ any such future insults and blocking from his side.